Wednesday, July 1, 2026

Marvel Movie Reviews w/ Rambo - The Avengers (2012)

 


!!! SPOILERS BELOW !!!

  • Who is that voice?
  • Joint Dark Energy Mission? Why are we messing with dark energy? Doesn't that name kind of scream bad idea? Or is that just a bad juju kind of feeling?
  • Is the tesseract the cube they collected from the water when they went looking for Captain America? Why are they only testing now? 70 years after it was retrieved...
  • Why are we calling it a she?
  • Gamma radiation? Why isn't it green instead of blue?
  • Excuse me, but that green arrow-looking guy is not the Hulk! Where are either of the guys from the two different movies??
  • Also, who is this girl dressed in all black? That is not our red headed russian beauty we have grown to love from Iron Man.
  • Oh! That's how Loki gets out of his eternal space slumber!
  • We thought that boomerrang-looking thing was a spear? It isn't long enough in my book.
  • Did Loki just take over control of Hulk? And that security guy?
  • Free from freedom? No comment.
  • Wish we could've had more of an origin story for SHIELD and their logo and who had the idea... although I guess that is where their show comes into play huh?
  • Is the lady in black the girl from Thor? No... she doesn't have a sweet enough personality from what I can tell. Not to mention how would she go from a scientist studying the bridge to a super-secret spy? I can imagine her helping work on the tesseract but not handling a pew pew and doing flips like a gymnast.
  • How are we explaining this event to the people?
  • Where do the helicopter blades go when they break off from hitting the ground like that?
  • How the heck did our redheaded beauty end up being held captive in Russia??
  • How can we know exactly where she is but not be extracting her? Although I guess if she is there on purpose and they know she can get herself out that may be why.
  • Ah yes, the agonizing screams and beatings that are hold music, very nice.
  • OH! HE ISN'T THE HULK! HE IS GREEN ARROW! Why haven't we watched any Green Arrow origin stuff yet then? 
  • OH! That's right, the Green Arrow is DC, not marvel; the guy I am thinking of is Hawkeye... but don't we end up making Hawkeye a girl in purple later on? Regardless, WHERE IS HIS ORIGIN STORY?!?
  • So wait, Hulk is part of SHIELD but doesn't know he is part of SHIELD?
  • I don't know if I have ever seen Black Widow get teary eyed... I could be wrong though.
  • Why does the door for this room full of monitors look like a vault door?
  • What do you mean the Avengers initiative was turned down already? When was it even proposed?
  • How many punching bags do you think he had already gone through in this session?
  • What if somebody posed themselves to take a shot at Tony as he was on top of the building getting changed out of his suit?
  • I don't remember, has Tony always had Stark Tower? 
  • The answer to that is no.
  • "His first name is Agent." lol
  • Is Loki not actually on Earth, or did he just transport while sitting down?
  • Wait, are we exposed to Thanos this early on? Is that grey-skinned, multi-fingered, masked being Thanos?
  • How did Banner and Capt. meet?
  • Where do the planes go when it goes underwater?
  • OH ITS NOT A SUB ITS A PLANE
  • Crazy
  • How is it determined if the female officer wears pants or a skirt? Because I see both within that command deck area.
  • Why did Capt. give him $10?
  • How does a spectrometer on the roof help look for gamma rays? I thought it needed an amount of the substance under some type of pressure to determine the elements? What kind of spectrometer are we asking them to put on the roof?
  • How can you call it a match if it's only 69%?
  • Did Loki go out and buy a suit to blend in or did he wave his hand to change clothes?
  • Speaking of Loki in a suit, he really does make me think of Rumplestiltskin.
  • The answer? He just changes his clothes however he likes...
  • His "spear" is much longer and more staff-like now.
  • Why did everyone just stop screaming and kneel down? Did he cast a spell on them?
  • I thought they wanted to change Capt. uniform?
  • Capt. is like, oh yeah, baby, I finally have somebody to go full strength on.
  • Why is Stark's last name, as is Banner's, but Capt. is first name? Technically, title, not even first name. Is it a respect thing?
  • How did Thor get back to Earth? Did they fix the bridge? Why hasn't he gone to see his girl?
  • "We need a plan of attack! - I have a plan. Attack."
  • Bifrost? What's that?
  • I love that Thor does not care what evil things Loki has done; he just wants his brother back.
  • How can his suit handle holding 400% of its power capacity?
  • Would we consider Capt.'s shield as stronger than Thor's hammer since it made a big gong noise instead of crumbling?
  • How has Loki heard of Hulk?
  • Sure, claim him as your brother until it means that you are also crazy, then mention that he is adopted.
  • Stark is a nerd.

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