Marvel Movie Reviews w/ Rambo - Eternals (2021)

  

Unlike when I jokingly posted the Endgame Review as a zero-star-rated film, this rating is not a joke. This story was both overcomplicated and yet oversimplistic all at the same time. It involved Greek mythology but then tried to explain it in terms of the Marvel universe and alien life. And absolutely none of it seemed to actually involve the Marvel timeline other than the question posed early on of why did the Eternals not help with any of the battles the Avengers faced. I would not recommend watching this movie and honestly I think it is a great thing that the sequel got cancelled. I am interested to know though, how the comic version of this storyline played out. Was it a newer comic or one of the OG stories like Spiderman? 

!!! SPOILERS BELOW !!!

• We couldn't have something reading the text as it scrolled up my screen? What if I wasn't paying full attention yet? What if I can't read that fast?
• So was Quill's father an Eternal?
• Why was the father so calm when he said to run?
• Why was that blue flying Eternal guy with laser eyes essentially Superman?
• Is this supposed to be Earth? What is this prehistoric dino thing? Why are the people not scared of those with the powers or the fact that they have advanced technology?
• The one Eternal guy looks like the extra guy from Doctor Strange.
• I still don't understand why we shifted away from the traditional Marvel intro with their signature sound and the comic book montage.
• Eternals are untouchable?
• Nope, definitely touchable, just maybe not that one specific girl?
• So does each Eternal have a specific different power or do they have a collection of powers, OR do they all have the same powers and just excel at different ones at different times?
• Is this wire muscle monster related to those ones they fought at the beginning of time?
• Is he in shock? Or is sarcasm his coping mechanism?
• I'm glad he asked the question we were all thinking, why didn't they help with Thanos... I am curious to know if Thanos' snap impacted their population too, because at that point, her silly comment about not wanting to prevent humans from developing should have been nullified.
• These Eternals use these same pictorial screens as Stark.
• Why don't the Eternals age? I understand being Eternal and therefore immortal but were they not all babies at one point that grew up? Or did they seriously just come to be at the age they display as?
• They brought sign language with them?
• Are we just watching them all do infighting amongst themselves?
• Is this the first time they were all sent on a mission? Have they not helped other planets build better worlds for themselves?
• ...He is telling the world about the Eternals?
• I am so lost trying to follow along with this movie...
• The emergence?? Are we doing another Thanos moment??
• Their memories get restarted every time they go to a new planet?
• I appreciate that this omnipotent power is very open and honest with what is doing but why was any of this necessary? Also, does each species have their own Eternals?
• The omnipotent one made the devients too? Why was ANY of this necessary?!? Would life not exist at all without this omnipotent one?
• I just realized the monster looks like an axolotl.
• She turned it into a tree?
• Now he has a human form? And a voice?
• Wow, Superman in a Marvel movie...
• I like this guy's sass, best part of the movie so far.
• There was a whole city under their ship.
• She's just casually been living in the ship buried underground?
• Why are we talking about taking humans to a different planet that will probably also have the stupid seed in the planet? Why not just save Earth?
• Well, that answered my internal question I had, did the snap delay the emergence thing, yes.
• HE KILLED HER HIMSELF?!?
• This thing is huge, how was it growing inside the Earth completely undetected?
• It's absolutely absurd to think that this is happening post-Endgame, and absolutely none of the Avengers went to respond to a giant robot thing coming out of the Earth.
• He really couldn't stand to continue living on Earth with them after breaking the rules so he went and flew into the sun?
• 6 years later, gets learners permit, "so when are we going to space dad?"
• Is he secretly an Avenger?
• I thought they stopped it??
• And now that one Eternal turned human is going to be left on Earth to die.
• Why do all these alien races think they can just judge the planet and annihilate us if they don't like us?
• A troll??
• Did he just say Starfox? Like Nintendo? Also, he is related to Thanos? Is that her boyfriend that was about to tell us a family secret before she was taken away?
• So not her boyfriend that showed up on the ship, he has a death sword instead.
• WHO'S VOICE WAS THAT??!?

Marvel Movie Reviews w/ Rambo - ShangChi (2021)

  

Definitely not my favorite of the Marvel movies. I'm not opposed to watching it again, I do enjoy the casting choices. (Especially the girlfriend's actress who is also Siffuu in the Disney movie about Raya.) I just felt like the storyline was very slow and that the buildup was not as cool as people make it out to be. The Tokyo Drift parts were pretty cool though. 

!!! SPOILERS BELOW !!!

• I wish I had hair as healthy-looking as his is.
• What connects the rings to one another to be able to maneuver like that?
• He is very powerful, yet he is so small and frail-looking.
• I know she is holding her own fighting him but him having the rings is unfair.
• Little did she know lol.
• Wait a second, that chubby guy with the beard recording the video seems familiar, where have I seen him?
• Looked it up, he is a food truck vendor on the sidewalk in Spiderman Homecoming. Wonder if he will make appearances in other Marvel movies in the future?
• All that and they still got his necklace.
• It's interesting that it only happened AFTER his mother died.
• Why does sister want to train too? Why does she need to be just like brother? Is she suppose to be training for that?
• So as valet people, how do they just have the money for this trip?
• You speak ABC? You mean you speak English?
• That's the Doctor Strange guy! He helps protect the things!
• Wait a second. Spiderman is in New York, that means the street vendor guy was in New York. When did he move to San Francisco??
• I thought she sent him the address?
• It's a trap!
• Why are there no standing planks out on that scaffolding?
• There are, it's just not on each level.
• It looked like a lot further of a fall until they all made eye contact with one another.
• What is the significance of the pendents?
• They went through all of that just for them to get captured? They really suck at winning.
• He sounds proud to have his son back home.
• So he originally wanted this future for himself? What changed his mind?
• I think it is a little funny that he is including the outsider in all of these conversations.
• The pendents are dragon eyes!!!
• Is she imprisoned or is she dead? I thought she died...
• That's a lot of furniture and such for somebody in a prison cell.
• OH MY GOD IT'S THE FAKE TEN RINGS GUY!
• Where'd the sister go?
• 90 is very different from 19 buddy.
• How did he get in the seat so fast?
• Good thing that gate opens as quickly as it does...
• Maybe we should have told her this was a fast driving thing before we started driving in? How would you do this on foot?
• Ninetail foxes!!
• It's Siffuu as a horse instead of a dragon!
• So their mother IS still alive.
• Oh... never mind, she is indeed dead.
• How did she know her weapon of choice?
• Is he learning anything here? He doesn't look like he is observing, just trying to fight like his father.
• At least they were willing to let the children leave?
• Why did the bracelets look wooden in the box but metal on his arms?
• Even the big lion things get to have armour?
• I still can't wrap my head around the fact that he has lived 10 lifetimes.
• You sure you don't need help there buddy?
• You've heard of eye of the tiger, well, this is eye of the dragon!
• So many quiet moments. This fight started out cool but is very boring.
• Kamehameha!
• Why do they both have a long journey ahead of them? She doesn't even have powers.
• They're waiting? Who? And for what? Is she the new evil? 

Marvel Movie Reviews w/ Rambo - Black Widow (2021)

  

This movie should have been made sooner in the series. It could have been made sooner in the series. We have had Black Widow in our midst since the Iron Man days. She has recruited so many of the Avengers. She helped keep Hulk sane. She broke them out of prison to reunite them after their falling out. She sacrificed herself to get the infinity stone! She is a very crucial part of this series, of this universe. AND YOU WAITED UNTIL SHE WAS DEAD IN THE SERIES TO GIVE HER A STORY OF HER OWN. Shame on you Marvel. And another thing, we get like 20 minutes, if that, of an actual origin story, and then you jump into what she was doing behind the scenes between the Ultron movie and the Infinity War movies. You couldn't have shown us more of her training and how she came to be as strong as she is? You couldn't have made a mini series with her adventures she went on doing stuff for the wrong side before becoming an Avenger? I feel as though we were robbed of these things. Just as Scarlett Johansson was robbed of her spotlight by putting this movie out so late AND during a global pandemic nonetheless. 

!!! SPOILERS BELOW !!!

• I just realized something as I started the movie... why are we getting a Black Widow movie, AFTER SHE IS PERMANENTLY DEAD?!?
• Is the blue-haired one meant to be her? She does not come off Russian at all.
• The mom looks familiar...
• I'm sorry, did you just call them forest stars? You mean lightning bugs?! Are you serious!?!
• What are they running from?
• Is Dad secretly a power user? He is like super strong...
• Is dad gonna get in the plane or just stay on the wing?
• Undercover work? Are they not a real family?
• They were sold off?
• So is this backtracking then? Not just an origin story of her before SHIELD but her after Ultron?
• She looks content on that ship.
• Hold up, who is this blondie and what just got sprayed in her face? She is acting like a different person now.
• Who is this guy in her trailer home?
• Under the stairs? What stairs? The outside stairs that lead into the trailer? Why leave it out there?
• Shouldn't you at least look to see what is in some of the packages? What if it is something helpful?
• Jesus! Who was waiting for her with a rocket launcher at the ready??
• Does everyone just have shields like Capt now??
• Did she take the vials out at least? Yes, good.
• That is a lot more vials then I thought it would be.
• It was that easy for her to find her sister?
• Why are they fighting?
• You sent it to her but it went to her in Budapest you dummy.
• Why not just chuck the anti-mind control vials at them? One per person. Let it break and free them.
• That was not very stylish falling.
• Did she just blast herself in the face with an energy blast?
• They definitely bicker like sisters.
• Put your seatbelt on?? DID IT HELP AT ALL?
• SHE KOd A LITTLE INNOCENT GIRL?!?
• She's just jealous of the pose and the fact that she became a hero.
• Why a white suit? Was her suit white before the Avengers? The others had black suits so I assumed that was the normal...
• So are we just not going to pull the step ladder thing in before taking off?
• They're going to break somebody out of jail?
• Isn't that the guy who plays the Sheriff in Stranger Things and adopts 11? What if this stint is the time he spent in the Russian prison in that show? lol
• He was the one who started the conversation; can't get upset with her for continuing it in detail.
• OH! It's their fake father.
• Y'all really didn't think to land when you started running out of gas? Instead, you just fell out of the sky? I mean, at least it didn't get destroyed.
• You're gonna get the family back together?
• That is a very long suppressor.
• Why is he trying to fit into his old suit?
• Does he think the two girls are still working on the same side as him? Does he not realize they are trying to tear apart the whole organization?
• I can't tell if mom wants to be free of the organization or believes in the work of the organization...
• The key to unlocking free will or the key to stealing free will?
• The fact that you call it a role to play is what means that it was not real.
• Wow. Mom is a traitor. Should've seen that coming.
• So Mom cared more about them in the beginning when Dad didn't and now the roles are reversed?
• Wouldn't a sky base still be noticeable by organizations like SHIELD? Unless he has cloaking tech I guess...
• YAY!!!! OUR GIRL OUTSMARTED THEM!! I wonder if mom helped or if our girl winged it all the way.
• So mom is in on it then?
• The family is going to be good now!
• Has she always had all those piercings and I just never knew?
• So she didn't kill his daughter!
• He's just casually dismissing his security like that?
• His pheramones stop her from hurting him? How does that work?
• Why is she making him hit her?
• Well, I do not think you will have enough of the cure for all those widows...
• Do you not realize she is no longer an Avenger?
• Oh dang, she was trying to turn of her senses by having him sever the nerve. I can't believe she just bashed her own forehead into the desk.
• So out of curiousity did the sister know that the blue suit agent was his daughter this entire time or not actually?
• Where's sister with the serum vials when you need her??
• Question, could we have used less vials with the same affect? Saved some for the other widows around the world?
• Do those soldiers even have parachutes??
• There is literally no way throwing that shield made it around her seat and out that tiny window to take out that guy.
• It's astonishing that sister didn't hit any of that debris while freefalling like that.
• Did mom and dad actually go back up to try and save people? We haven't seen them since she said they needed to go back...
• Is he actually gone though? Where's his body?
• What's with the whistle? We in the Hunger Games now Katniss?
• Why do they stay on the road? Don't y'all have vehicles that can cut across the grass and dirt yet?
• So was she detained or not?? Because she very much looks free to me!
• I will admit, the fireflies in the tree were a nice little homage to the start of the film.
• So the movie takes place after Ultron but before Infinity War? And the end credit scene takes place after End Game. Got it.
• Who is Valentina?
• What do you mean we are taking out Hawkeye?!? He isn't even the reason she died! She sacrificed herself! Also, how come the Avengers don't get some special burial plot or something??