Overstaying Your Welcome

Day in, day out. 

Same story, different day.

It becomes mundane.

Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, make food, take a shower, go to bed.

Repeat.

You may have a different variance to this, I do.

But doesn't it all just start to seem pointless?

Doing the same tasks, seeing the same people, putting on the same grey face with a fake plastered on smile.

Routine can be good.

Routine can be just as bad.

We don't always have a choice in how things turn out.

We do have a choice in if we choose to sit idly instead of trying to make a change.

So why, 

when life has become over repetitive, 

when we grow weary of the same tasks and the same day repeating over and over, 

when we have had enough with the bullsh*ttery, 

when we know what we would rather be doing and could try and get out of this slump; 

why do we continue to put up with it?

When I know full well that I am outgrowing my room,

when I know full well I have outstayed my welcome,

when I know full well I cause more issues for them and they cause more issues for me than either of us creates positive outcomes for the other;

why do I not take that step and move on?

Why can't I seem to progress forward?

What is holding me back?

Fear.

Self-hatred.

Self-judgement.

Regrets.

Hope.

Fear, of what could happen or what could have happened if I decide to take that first step or had just stayed put a little longer.

Self-hatred, of the choices, the mistakes, I have already managed to accomplish thus far.

Self-judgement, of those choices and the choices I will continue to make, how they make me a coward or a follower or any other negative mindset of an entity.

Regrets, of the things I should have done or could have done.

Hope, that things could still be turned around from where I am right now.