Halloween

Crisp leaves.

Rustling trees.

A chilly breeze.

Looming fog veil.

Children's wails.

Clattering pails.

Costumes matching trends.

Spooky ghost friends.

Candy that never ends.

These are the things that make Halloween.

Overstaying Your Welcome

Day in, day out. 

Same story, different day.

It becomes mundane.

Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, make food, take a shower, go to bed.

Repeat.

You may have a different variance to this, I do.

But doesn't it all just start to seem pointless?

Doing the same tasks, seeing the same people, putting on the same grey face with a fake plastered on smile.

Routine can be good.

Routine can be just as bad.

We don't always have a choice in how things turn out.

We do have a choice in if we choose to sit idly instead of trying to make a change.

So why, 

when life has become over repetitive, 

when we grow weary of the same tasks and the same day repeating over and over, 

when we have had enough with the bullsh*ttery, 

when we know what we would rather be doing and could try and get out of this slump; 

why do we continue to put up with it?

When I know full well that I am outgrowing my room,

when I know full well I have outstayed my welcome,

when I know full well I cause more issues for them and they cause more issues for me than either of us creates positive outcomes for the other;

why do I not take that step and move on?

Why can't I seem to progress forward?

What is holding me back?

Fear.

Self-hatred.

Self-judgement.

Regrets.

Hope.

Fear, of what could happen or what could have happened if I decide to take that first step or had just stayed put a little longer.

Self-hatred, of the choices, the mistakes, I have already managed to accomplish thus far.

Self-judgement, of those choices and the choices I will continue to make, how they make me a coward or a follower or any other negative mindset of an entity.

Regrets, of the things I should have done or could have done.

Hope, that things could still be turned around from where I am right now.

The Trouble with the Word Love

The trouble with the word love, is that I don't understand the meaning of it. The love I have been shown, has been full of lies and deceit. The love I have been shown has been manipulative. 

I'm sure there have been a number of times people have said it and meant it in regards to myself and the moment. But the times when it was not sincere or meaningful vastly outweigh the times when those people in my life just want to help me.

I think I love. I think I understand what I'm saying or doing. But I throw that word out there so often, it does not have a backing.

I love my family. 

I love my friends. 

I love science. 

I love books. 

I love music. 

I love my followers and supporters.

These statements all have different backing to them.

The problem with love, is that it's hard to understand. Its difficult to interpret. It's impossible to hold on to.

And so that "love" that you're trying to show me? 

It makes me feel empty. 

It makes me feel lonely. 

It makes me feel starved. 

It makes me feel isolated. 

It makes me feel malnourished.

Longing the Wind

 

Longing the Wind

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

The sinking feeling

of the weight of a thousand worries.

The sharp breaths of lungs,

as the sound carries

in the back of my mind.

Thinking will I ever catch up,

as I try to grasp the wind beside me

since it is so free, so effortless

but it slips through my fingers.

As does most things

with the weight of a thousand worries.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

thank you for reading

Sock

Stress Management and Making Time for Yourself

 Stress management is always a very important topic. It isn't necessarily one many folks like to talk about openly though. It tends to fall into a similar category to being diagnosed with things. But it shouldn't.

We as a society should embrace that sometimes the world can become overbearing on someone's shoulders. And not everyone's shoulders can bear the same weight. What one person may be able to push through, may stop someone else in their tracks. What someone may have been able to deal with previously, may have worn them out over time and can cause them to break now.

Things change.

We need to adjust.

The human population has seen many generations pass through. With each one there are new stressors. Populations use to worry about basic necessities such as food and shelter. While those are still issues for a number of people, there are other stressors like social image, financial status, a global panini. It can all be a lot. For anyone and everyone all at the same time. But each individual is going to take on all that stress and responsibility in a different capacity and they are going to react differently to it around various other individuals.

Something we can try to do to help alleviate the burden, is ask for help. I acknowledge that not everyone is comfortable asking for help though. I know I'm not. It can make you feel weak or it can make you discouraged because you couldn't do something on your own that you saw someone accomplish ages before you even thought to start it.

That is okay.

When you can't ask for help, you should still be doing something.

Reach out in a different way. Take the time to just say hi to people and discuss new books or movies. Go out and enjoy nature. Learn to cook that favorite dish of yours from the restaurant around the corner, or order it for take out because cooking just isn't your thing and you want to truly relax. That's fine.

As long as you are taking the time to acknowledge you are more than a machine. You are not like everyone else. You are you and there is nobody else you should ever try to be despite what anyone else tells you. 

Feel free to check out the embedded links for tips on how to better work on your stress levels. Some things we find helpful ourselves is learning to distance when you need to and making sure you find somebody to talk with when you don't want to be alone. On top of the normal things like keeping a schedule or routine, trying to find down time, etc.

Stress Management Help Guide

10 Tricks to Relieve Stress

An Empty Vessel

 When you are conceived, you are a blank slate. 

Sure, you have had genetic influence from your parents and that is going to physically shape you but there are so many other things which shape you into the person you become over time.

Most days, I feel like, even though I have had so many things help to shape me, I continue to rely on others to move forward and do things with my life. 

My previous experiences in life have led me to live to serve. I do not generally make decisions for myself and I fear that it is going to grow into more of a problem as time progresses. It definitely possesses a problem when I require input from those around me in order to go about my day.

This does not mean I am not still a strong minded and independent individual. I will very much take whatever task you place in front of me and go running with it in any direction to see it done. I will strive to do better for others and to achieve all I can. I lead my team with pride and when someone else starts to slip I will pick up the slack no matter the harm to myself.

However

It also means that I am very indecisive. It means that when I am unsure of what to do because I have completed something else, I sit there in the dark waiting for something to call me back into action.

Almost like a robot.

I live to serve.

That is why I like to try and keep myself busy with anything and everything. If you make one little comment about something needing to be done, whether you say it jokingly or not, it will be done.

Oh, you want some cool paintings for the baby's room?

I got you!

You want some new holiday decor on a budget?

No problemo.

You need to sort through boxes of paperwork and put everything in chronological order?

Say no more.

We need to get 150 cars parked into a field and everyone lined up off to the side.

Don't sweat it, just cover your ears and turn a blind eye.

Ask me for movie suggestions?

I'm gonna be too scared you will judge or won't like the recommendations to say anything.

Tell me that I should go off and do something I like?

I don't know what I like, I like doing what you tell me to do.

Getting told to just pick something for myself is not easy. I shut down in response because if I am not living for you then what am I even living for?

I am an empty vessel. I have no personal purpose. I do everything for or because of others. I need help deciding what I put my efforts into and without a guide or a push or a pull or whatever, I just sit here in the darkness waiting for another bell singing for my help.

Childhood Friends

 

Childhood Friends

The love and the loss of those who you held dear

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥Growing closer

    We were only children when we met, and the adventures started the first day. We shared laughs, smiles and deep, personal experiences that only we knew. We were there for each other all throughout elementary and middle school, our developing years spent beside each other, inseparable. A friend we shared mutually tried to break our bond, but it only brought us closer together. The inside jokes were piling up in the tethered notebook we kept at all times, as we took turns doodling and writing between the lines in an attempt to make each other laugh. The beginning and ending of summer was our absolute favorite, as we would celebrate by creating a whole day of activities; water balloons, chalk, swimming, and laying in the lush green grass that stretched over our yards. Every year, it was always the day right before school, so sitting on the curb that's outside while we draw with our chalk was surreal, because that was the last moments before high school; where everything started to fall apart. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥Growing apart

    High school started off like it was a world I've never seen before, and unfortunately I had to treck the adventure alone since we went to different schools. We met a different crowd of people, gained different hobbies, learned other ways to bond and become closer to others. Nothing changed between us in the beginning, since we were more than capable of texting, calling, and seeing each other before and after school. Then I fell in love with a boy who made me feel special, a boy who I would want to spend the rest of my life with... but with doing so, I caused a gap between our friendship. Admittedly, I started to spend time with my significant other rather than be with her, which was a change from what we were both used to. With the extra time we would have spent together, you spent with others, which is nobody's fault but my own. Texting began to dwindle, and seeing her face became less and less as our high school career moved forward. I became closer friends with those I went to school with, and so did she. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥Growing without

    End of High School was the last remaining moments I called her my closest friend. She simply did not want to be associated with me anymore, as she took the other friends I held dear with her. Ever since, I've been craving the feeling of somebody who I can talk to, someone who has laughed at the same jokes as me. I sit and I reminisce about the times we shared sitting on her couch, playing our Nintendo consoles, or the times we would camp in a tent in the backyard just for the hell of it. I come across videos even to this day that remind me of her, and it takes every fiber of my being to not send them to her. For the life of me, it seems I could never hold a friend close for too long, and she was the one I thought would never leave my side. All of the fond memories seem so hard to look back on, but seeing her happy and making new friends has almost been refreshing. But I cannot deny that I long to be there, sharing those happy memories with the people I used to call my friends. 

Thank you for reading

Sock 🧦

discord: Sock#6259

Living a Double Life

 Honestly, it's more like a triple or quadruple life. 

There are so many various personas that engulf me depending on the situation and the people I am around.

Some may compare this to being an empath but that is nowhere near what I am doing.

I'm just trying to adapt to my surroundings in hopes of surviving.

For one group of people, I am very much that stand-off, don't mess with me person that will chew you out for saying something stupid. For a different group, I am that soft-spoken individual who goes with the flow and works only to please. For a third group, I'm the person who chugs along and helps pull everyone with me to get where we need to be. For another, I am that warrior that they look up to and would do anything to help because I squish the bugs for them.

When I am at home, living with my parents and siblings yet, I am just an empty vessel that exists only to fill a void and provide aid. Provide financial support. Provide extra hands. Provide nourishment. Provide an outlet. Provide an excuse. I very much aim to please when I am home. I work to provide them with everything they need.

I would like to think that I provide some of those things to my friends as well but when I am online with my friends, I am somebody else. I am someone who is vulnerable. I am someone seeking love and attention. I am someone trying to make a place for myself in the world.

When I am at work, I'm that scary boss lady that nobody wants to mess with because if you cross me, I will take action. I fight for what I feel is right. I work to better the company by any means. I am secure in my standings. I take my orders but I also dish them out with just as much conviction and follow through.

Are any of these really me though? Who will I reveal myself to be when I finally have a chance to breathe and just do what my heart says when my heart says to do it rather than what my brain says to do when time allows.

Who are you in your various phases of life?

Movie Review: Little Evil (2017)

 

Netflix presents little evil (2017)

Original Release Synopsis: 

"A newly married man starts to believe that his 5-year-old stepson is the spawn of Satan."

Opening Weekend Sales: N/A

Box Office Sales: N/A

Personal Review: 

This movie, is weird, to say the least. It honestly starts out extremely hard to follow and it jumps rather frequently through a lot of topics that mostly apply to the rest of the film. I definitely was hoping for more gore and a bit more attention to details such as how the individuals actually die, but the film definitely provided entertainment in that you were laughing at how stupid it was. The unexpected twist of love winning out over the demon spawn was definitely just that, unexpected. I was kind of hoping the world was actually going to end. But I guess that is why it was marked as a comedy before it was considered a horror film. Even though the stepfather did get buried alive within the first five minutes.

October Scary Stories - Week 1

The wind whistled, the trees lurched, the hoots of owls and the howls of the wolves weren't all else you could here as the forest lay in unrest. 

The eaves of the old Bernard house rattled as the moon hid behind another slew of clouds. Floor boards began to creak as someone dared to step foot on unholy ground.

Not a soul would dare lay their head to rest here. So much anguish has befallen this place. The most recent being just a year prior.

October 2019

Hallows eve, once a time believed for souls to cross from one realm to another, has come to be bit of an amusement in the States. Youngins dress in garments presenting the most iconic of roles in their lives. Towns filled with streets, lined with homes, teeming with anticipation and excitement for free candy as little ones dress up as Superman and Batman. Sidewalks explode with people as Elsa and Anna skip down the way holding their neon pink pumpkin pails. All throughout town the buildings are coated in fake webs and eerie lights. Vampires and zombies stand in corners waiting for unsuspecting passers. The smell of bonfire and s'mores flitting through the air. The laughter and squeals bounce off the walls of the houses. Down the cluttered roads to ones less known. Through the trees already bare for the season, if they had even bothered to re-grow them from seasons past. 

Further than even the farthest dead end street, lay a drive that was once lined with luscious growth. The Bernard place had been the spectacle of the town at one point in time. A marvelous mansion that hosted the most superlative of parties. Grounds that spread for acres, mostly woods mind you but with glorious, well kept trails that you could walk and unwind. Now the grounds lay in dismay. All the greenery was unruly and unkempt. Shrubbery and flowers all across the property had taken over the masonry lining previously laid paths. The hedges of the maze loomed over the fawn that dared to venture in for food. Vines had grown up straggly and voluptuous trees alike, even stretching across the ground to the lattice of the porch, up the columns and coating the walls in thick ivy. The interior was just as disheveled. A fire had consumed the home in the late 1900s, taking the lives of the last known generation of Bernard's with it. The fire was suspected to be arson however the investigation was inconclusive, a tale for another time. 

Ash and soot coated all surfaces inside. Remnant cinder scattered across the once magnificent hardwood and tile floors. Graffiti now layered on top of the singed wallpaper. The banister to a magnificent winder staircase splintered and beaten. Drapes to 10 foot windows torn to shred and half consumed by the flames all throughout the shell of a building. Some signs of life were still dispersed throughout the rooms. Things like shattered china, tarnished silverware, busted chairs and stretched springs, crispy books and flattened pillows. It'd make for a great haunted house attraction wouldn't it?

That's what Mr. Stevie Jones had thought anyway. The property had been left in shambles and claimed by the state some time prior because no realtor could convince anyone to buy the estate. Countless folks had tried their best but even the homeless and squatters couldn't stand to stay for too long before they moved on to the next lot. Getting permission to use the lot for his Halloween Attraction had been far easier than Stevie had thought it would be and he knew he could make big bucks with very minimal effort if he planned this just right. He found a cheap cast of school kids looking to make a few bucks and some disbanded circus folks who were rather ambiguous about their work history. Brought in some inexpensive props from his theater troupe days to set up around the rooms. Rented out a generator for the evening for minimal lighting and effects. This would be a breeze! Or so he continued to tell himself.

Crowds did wander down to the lot as the night progressed. Long time residents curious to see what fool took on the challenge. Visitors from neighboring areas wanting to experience something new and unknown. A few of the entrants left uneasy from the atmosphere. Some left disheartened from the state of the once magnificent building. Most of the teens just used the various empty rooms as a place to go and make out or smoke. A number of the patrons just left blase and un-amused from the poor execution.

As the waning moon reached it's crest, a dense fog trickled in, weaving in and out of the trees surrounding the estate. The crowds had all but ceased to meander down the path. All but one lone figure. Standing at roughly 5'11", shrouded in a long, worn leather cloak; the figure inched his way closer dragging a duffel bag behind him with his right hand. As the figure approached the old and rickety building, he climbed up the steps dragging the duffel bag. It thumped against the edge of the boards and clanged as the metal inside scraped amongst itself. He wordlessly walked passed the ticket holder who was dozing in a brittle chair ready to snap as it leaned back into a corner, feet propped onto a sticky pop-up table. He seemed to glide through the corridor, clearing the dust and debris with his bag as he went. There was no hesitation in his movements. He made his way through to the back, where the servants quarters would have been originally. He single handedly swung the duffel bag up onto a counter with a clammer. He unzipped the bag and began to pull out the tools inside. Laid out on every surface were objects, it was like he had a Mary Poppins bag of metal instruments. Pry bars. Chain. Bent, rusty pipes. Large ladles from a soup kitchen. Knives galore. Hand full upon handful of nails and safety pins. Jagged keys, some that had been worn down sharpened into a point. Gears and saw blades crudely attached to hand cranked egg beaters. 

After he had finished emptying the bag of the smaller remnants, the man pulled out one final tool. A chainsaw with the chain blade hanging loosely around the guide bar. Twigs and leaves were wedged into the bumper spikes and chain brake. There as something else glistening off the handle and plastic cover, could it be remnants of little berries from a bush he had trimmed earlier in the day? Trees would have a sticky substance when freshly cut but they wouldn't leave something of that color and consistency, would they?

He held the chainsaw firmly in one hand as he grabbed the end of 2 inch thick chain and harshly whipped it around his own arm. With a sense of gusto, the man climbed up the narrow steps from the kitchen to a tiny bedroom above, two steps at a time. Fecal matter, both animal and human, filled the room with a very repugnant odor. It didn't phase him. Not a falter could be seen in his stature. 

Making his way through the second floor, he passed room upon room without a glance. Rambunctious teens had at each other in filth covered rooms, on dingy and trashed cushions. He passes more rooms. Inattentive stoners vibed as they swung their feet from the balcony over the large living room. He continues down the hall. Then he stops. Chain ringing as it sways back and forth from the momentum. The saw hanging at his side. The door in front of him, barely open, hangs crookedly from a single hinge. Another figure can be seen through the crack enjoying a cigar as they stare out a giant shattered window.

Our visitor kicks the door with enough force to break off the last hinge and it thuds on the floor as one edge hits and then again as the other lays the door flat. The man at the window is startled and nearly drops his cigar as he turns to meet eyes with his brother Andrew. 

End

*the final death scene has been omitted as to ensure there are not any parties which would be upset from the graphic description as well as to leave the mystery up to the reader*

World Mental Health Day - Rambo

October is a month for many things, including Breast Cancer Awareness, Columbus Day/Indigenous People Day, Halloween, and many others. But something that is going to always be prominent is mental health and establishing open communication with those people in your life when you are struggling. 

Since 1992 when the day was first established by the World Federation for Mental Health and the first celebration by Deputy Secretary-General Richard Hunter; the world has worked to establish a general education/understanding of what it means to take care of your mental health. Some topics over the years have included mental health among women and children, human rights, aging, work, trauma, and so many others. 

Sometimes we forget just all that is wrapped up in mental health and how much it can impact our lives. Mental health for one person is never going to be the same for someone else. We use terminology to try and be able to define these things; words like trauma, anxiety, depression, hysteria, autism, abuse, compulsory. But words and definitions in themselves can cause problems and categorizations that are inaccurate. It allows us to self-diagnose. It allows us to stereotype. I know I have.

I sit here and I evaluate myself, I compare myself to those around me. And I become overwhelmed at just how troublesome I think I am. I have become overly familiar with the nuances in my life over the past few years. I have come to realize that a lot of what I perceived as normal, are actually signs of neglect and abuse. I have come to determine through my own ideas and the ideas of others that I have anxiety, I have some compulsory issues, I have some sensory stimulation responses, I have depression. None of these are officially diagnosed mind you, and maybe I have worsened them (especially recently) by trying to build and act on them but that doesn't make them any less real or pertinent in my life.

No matter what you are going through in life, there are always going to be things that cause you to seek an outlet, there are going to be people that disrupt your routine, there are going to be things that hold you back, there are going to be situations that cause you to be uncomfortable and have fear. We just need to continue to recognize these things and rather than only place ourselves into a box of isolation that can cause things to get worse.

Reach out.

Seek help.

Speak up.

I may not but we all should.

Y'know. Sometimes, if I sit here in the dark and I focus only on what I am physically doing. My literal actions. Sitting here typing away on a soft bed, wrapped in a warm blanket, and listening to some amazing soul-touching music; I can close my eyes for a second or two and be transported away to a time and space where I do not feel so uneasy in my life. A different timeline where I have come to a place where I am content with my life choices and am at ease with all future actions. A place where I can achieve a number of aspirations without hesitation or fear. 

Wouldn't it be grand if we could just all be in that happy place we envision for ourselves rather than have to transport ourselves there for a small duration?

Take the time to reach out to your loved ones always but especially on this October 10th for World Mental Health Day <3

Movie Review: Haunted Mansion (2003)

 

Disney presents the Haunted Mansion (2003)

Original Release Synopsis: 

"Workaholic real estate agent Jim Evers (Eddie Murphy) is accused by his wife, Sara (Marsha Thomason), of neglecting his son (Marc John Jefferies) and daughter (Aree Davis), so he takes the family on a vacation. Along the way, the family stops off at a sinister mansion that Jim has been asked to sell, only to discover it's haunted by Master Gracey (Nathaniel Parker) ; his stern butler, Ramsley (Terence Stamp) ; and two other servants who need some help breaking a curse."

Opening Weekend Sales: $24,278,410

Box Office Sales: $182.3 billion

Personal Review: 

'The Haunted Mansion' film is something I can recall watching on Disney Channel every October growing up. I can not recall much of how I felt viewing it at such a young age but I can only imagine relating to the child actors a lot when it came to the curiosity of being in a strange place as well as the fear and disgust of facing things like a spider coated door. As an adult, I definitely picked up more on the designs of the costumes, the architectural significance and probability of the actual mansion, and of course the singing. C'mon now, who doesn't love that musical quartet of singing busts?!? Overall, the movie still holds audiences captive and provides a mythical escape from the real world. Something I never really noted before as a youngster though? The french influence on the film as well as the corresponding rides at various Disney parks, reminds me ever so vaguely of the french significance of another Disney film, 'Beauty and the Beast'. This became extremely apparent to me when I viewed the end scene of Master Gracey being reunited with his Elizabeth. She appeared in a bunched up yellow dress similar to that of Belle's as they floated up in golden shimmers to the beyond. Just another fun way re-watching movies can keep you entertained I guess.

The First Weekend of October

 October. 

A month that gets overlooked by some but is the superior, spoopiest month for others.

For myself, October is not only the start of cooler weather and feeling at home in my own skin, taking in the smells of bonfires, the crunch of the crisp leaves under your feet, and all that other marvelous bug free living. October is also when I get to do the most outside, especially when it comes to decorating the home.

The summer months are too hot and bright for me to be comfortable doing much and while I enjoy the rainy season of the spring, the bright colors and growth; its also a time for a lot of other people to be popping out of the woodwork. And I am by no means a people person, even if my customer service persona tries to tell you otherwise. 

So fall is my domain.

Death and decay are the joy of my life most days and if I could bottle it up to remember for all eternity, I would gladly do so.

This weekend, we start to prepare for the Wicca hour. Pulling out all our various decor and planning our theme for this years yard display.

Who knows, maybe we will manage to get a Haunted House going for the first time!

What are some of your favorite seasonal attributes?

What do you plan on doing for Halloween this year? Is Covid going to hold everyone back for yet another round of tricks and treats or will everyone come to life with more gusto than before?