What Will It Be Like?

There is a theory that things happen for a reason. That everything you have gone through has served a purpose. That everything you will end up doing is predetermined and you can not change it.

There is also a theory that you can make any choice you want regardless of what you have surpassed previously or what you may face in the future. That there are alternate realms in which you have taken other paths. That you have taken all of the paths which have allowed you to journey through your existence.

But in this particular existence, what will it be like?

I can see what it has been like. I can see the happiness, the sorrow, the passion, the dedication, the grievances, the setbacks, the failures, the torturous times, and the adrenaline-filled times. I can see where you have failed me, where others have failed you, and where I have failed you. I can see where maybe it could have gone better. But I can not see where it is going, at least not completely.

I saw myself going to school even when you did not but we pulled through it.

I saw myself graduating and leaving to get my master's but you did not and we backed down on that.

I saw myself moving and doing big things, you saw me staying and supporting you forever.

I moved, but not nearly as far as I thought.

You seemed content but still, you get sad and you push me away. Or you get upset and clingy and hold onto me too tightly.

You tried to fill the void but you still get upset because you are losing control.

It's scary to lose control, I know. 

You're going to continue to lose control. I'm sorry.

But let's be honest, you haven't really had control for a while.

No longer are you the puppeteer to our little puppet horde.

So what will it be like when the next one leaves?

What will it be like when we all leave?

When you no longer have control. When you no longer have that support. When you are no longer funded by those who provided the entertainment.

Will you be okay? Will she? Will you stay where you are? Will you leave and pretend that you abandoned us instead of the other way around?

Will it get better?

What will it be like?

Will I move up in the world? Will I conquer my dreams? Will I be happy?

Will you finally, sincerely be proud of me?

...

Will we even still talk?