Do You Even Realize?

 Do you realize that you are pushing us away? Do you realize that it is because of your actions that we want out? That we will quite literally go across the country if it meant being away from you?

Do you realize that they are the only reason I ended up staying? Do you realize that its because I want better for them that I continue to push you and struggle with our relationship?

Things could be so much better if you just acknowledged what was wrong without trying to guilt trip us.

Things could be healthier if we could just talk things out like civil human beings instead of dictators or underlings.

I don't blame you. At least not completely. You had your own rough life. But we can not let our pasts dictate our futures. We can not continue the cycle as if it is not hurting both of us. 

I fear for what the rest of our lives bring for one another.

I fear that I am going to have to cut you out of my life and subsequently cut out all of them.

We may argue and bicker and we may stop talking or we may butt heads, but I still love you and I still cherish having our bond. Or at least what happiness I can attest to our bond. 

I wish there was more happiness in that bubble. But I am starting to feel like my little blue sadness person in my head is saddening all the happy bubbles in my head. 

I feel like I am starting to realize how toxic it all has been and how blind I have been to it all.

Part of me wishes I had noticed sooner but there's also part of me that wishes I could have continued to be naive and lived in the happiness I thought I had.