"You aren't better than anybody."
As if I didn't already know that. Thank you so kindly for pointing it out and giving one final nail in the coffin to end the day.
I was not expecting those words to come out of your mouth. Not out of the mouth of somebody I thought I was on good terms with. Not out of the mouth of somebody who was my mentor. Not out of the mouth of somebody who just a few days ago was sending my Instagram reels about Build-A-Bear, and I was sending photos back because I already had seen and gotten it.
You saying those words, directed at me or otherwise, sent me spiraling. I didn't say anything back to you; it would have been disrespectful. But in my head, all I could think was, I know I'm not. I am less than worthy. I am less than dirt. All I could think about were all my faults, all the wrongs I have ever done in my entire life. How I wish I could take it all back, change every little detail. But then I realize I am not me without these flaws, without these mistakes. Some would even say I am not human without them.
Does it make me less sad, no, but it makes me realize just a little that the tears I held back then, the tears I let stream down my face as I was driving away later on, weren't worth shedding.
I shed them anyway, though, because words do hurt. They leave mental scars that are nearly impossible to heal.
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