Being Thankful

Hope everyone who celebrated had a wonderful Thanksgiving! 

That goes both for our American friends as well as our Australian friends who celebrated their own holiday last week and anyone else who has had a reason to celebrate lately.

Every day you are alive should be a reason for you to smile and be grateful for what you have and all you have become. We know that it can be very hard to remember that some days but there is so much in this world to live for and things can get worse but they can also always get better.

Be thankful for your life.

Be thankful for your friends or family.

Be thankful for the soldiers fighting for your rights.

Be thankful for the roof over your head.

Be thankful for the clean water you drink.

Be thankful for the clothes on your back.

Be thankful for the warmth of the sun and the cool of the breeze.

Be thankful for everything you have ever had the chance to do and every chance you will have coming your way.

Just be thankful. 

Remember that when you find somebody asking you for help or trying to one up you.

A Letter to a Friend

 Dear Friend,

    I am at a loss for words. My world has not been the same since we got involved in each other's lives, but it has been better than it once was. And now you aren't here for me to tell my every thought and problem to and my world is not going to be the same again. You don't seem to feel the same though. I have sat here so many nights wondering what I have done to upset you so much. I'm starting to doubt it is ever going to be something we can bounce back from, especially if nothing is going to change and you are still going to feel the same way when I do something in the future.

    I hope you know I hate this thing of us not talking and not being involved in each others lives. There have been so many times the past week where all I've wanted to do was reach out to and get help from you and make sure you're okay. I'm literally heartbroken over not having you in my life and I feel like my world is crumbling down all around me right now in every aspect and I cant hold onto anything anymore.

    This is not to say I have not made mistakes. But I am not alone. I don't know how you feel about yourself and your choices, but I feel like I have stayed rather true to my character while I have seen you change and grow, and grow out of me. You no longer seem to want to have anything to do with me, to put effort into our friendship, to want to go through with any of the plans we had joked about making. It also seems that while you are allowed to go through these changes and grow as a person and seek out better for yourself and expand your circle, I am not allowed to do that myself. I often feel like in order to keep you in my life, I have to stay static and I don't want to be that person. I don't want to have to give up the things that give me happiness to keep you, I also do not want to lose you.

    I am trying to make choices for myself and I have no backbone, I have no support, I am slipping away into the black. Something you and others, have told me they would never do to me. Something many have tried telling me the opposite of.

    I have been told that I am not extra baggage.

    I have been told that I am not secondary, that I play a bigger role in this story.

    I have been told that there is no way I could be forgotten about, that I could be abandoned, that I could be muted and forgotten about.

    But I very clearly am. I was just something extra to get dragged along and shown to people like a puppy on a leash. I played no bigger role in the plot than to act as an excuse and to be helpful when necessary. I have been left to cry myself to sleep. To quite literally watch 2 of the 4 people I have centered my life around lately, leave every group we have ever been involved in and seemingly not think twice about it.

    And here I am.

    Still left standing alone, wondering what I did wrong. Wondering how it could've been prevented. Wondering if any of it ever meant anything or if everything was always a lie. As if everything has been for show until something better could come along.

    I will never check off all of the boxes you need me to. And if I ever do, I am sure other boxes would get added to always give that excuse that I am expendable.

    I shouldn't have boxes to check off. I should just exist in your world as a friend and confidant.

    So I will leave, or I will try to. And I will slip off into my oblivion. 

    I still hope the best for you. I hope you can get out of the grasp of the hag. I hope you can make a name for yourself. I hope your daughters grow up knowing how much you love them and you all live a great life never growing apart. And I hope you don't slip yourself. I can see how close you are hanging to the edge. I can sense the end for you and I; I hope that isn't the end for each of us. I hope the toxicity doesn't turn you into something you once dreaded yourself because you have already gone so far down that incline.

    I love you.

    But I probably will not be here waiting for you when you need me because you most definitely closed the door when I needed you most.

    With all the best intentions, 

Losing Passions

Losing Passions

 Looking through your own eyes

like rain covered windows

as you stare out of them

wondering where your mind wandered.

The brush that lays stagnant

once filled with paint and inspiration

collects but does not create.

The room once filled with notes

a display of music

 as fingers danced across the strings and keys

now quiet.

When has my mind became the labyrinth 

once filled with passions

now consumed with empty responsibility? 

How do You See the World?

How do you see the stars when you look at the sky? Do your eyes draw lines to connect the dots? Mine do.

How does each person you pass come off to you? Do you see an ethereal glow around them of varying glow and intensity? Your mood can cause me to see you in colors sometimes.

Do you see the streaks of light as the cars race past you on the road? Maybe that's just my cones and rods messing up the signals.

Do you see the changing hues of the leaves as the seasons change? Not the very obvious green to red but the fading of the green as the chloroplast dies off inside and it no longer produces the green tones.

Existence and everything it includes is left up for so very many interpretations from so many hundreds of thousands of prying eyes.

The only reason we have come to interpret things in specific manners is because somewhere down the line before we came into existence somebody said that is how it is.

When you first open your eyes, before you have allowed anyone to take hold of your mind and persuade you to react in a particular way, how do you see the world? How do you feel it should be?

Sometimes it's like we live in a world parallel to 'The Giver'. Where there are higher powers that decide what we should and should not get to know or see. We should try to break free of that, don't you think?

Veterans' Day in America

War.

It's inevitable.

Even beyond the human species. We just tend to be the most devastating producers of it. Especially as our technology has advanced.

Many soldiers have lost their lives before their prime fighting for what they felt was a just cause. Some of those causes we may have come to realize at this point down the line weren't completely what we once thought, but in the moment, we generally stick with what our heart tells us.

Today, in America, it is a time for us to remember those who have fought valiantly for the people they hold dear as well as those they never had the chance to meet. We thank those men and women who have had the strength and courage to fight those battles. We acknowledge that some of those battles are not over for everyone who has given a piece of themselves to the cause. We pray for those that continue to fight for the greater good. We hope for a time when we will no longer have to say goodbye to our loved ones who go to end a dispute with people just looking to have the same opportunities in life as us. 

Thank you to all our armed forces and especially our veterans <3

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not enough for you.

I'm sorry I'm too much for you.

I'm sorry that I don't do as you think I should.

I'm sorry that I do more than you think I should.

I'm sorry that who I am is not who you think I should be.

I'm sorry that I have a single track mind.

I'm sorry that I find it hard to stay focused on a single task.

I'm sorry that I don't love how you need me to.

I'm sorry that I cannot accept how you choose to love me.

I am ever so deeply sorry.

But sometimes I really cannot help it.

Sometimes it is hard for me to exist in this world both as who I am and who I try to be for you.

For all of you.

Animal Crossing New Horizons - NEW UPDATE

 Animal Crossing is and has always been a growing craze among multiple generations. 

We as a gaming society have grown through the many games including the OG Animal Crossing from 2000, Wild World, City Folk, New Leaf, Pocket Camp, and now New Horizons. 

Many feel as though New Horizons came at just the right time, the start of a pandemic when everyone needed an outlet and a way to spend all their new found free time. So many people spent endless hours working towards 5-star rating islands and collecting everything possible. Thousands upon thousands of people have worked diligently to collect all of the fossils for Blathers, send off dozens of insect specimen for Flick to make models of, caught dozens of fish to satisfy C.J.'s streaming needs, talked to the Able Sisters about all their fashion needs, attended every K.K. Slider concert, and so many other things that we could list.

The latest update that launched on the 5th has brought so many more faces to light in the game and has made some of the faces that rarely popped up, more frequent. They have also included a DLC which we all know they could've just made into a separate game if they really wanted too, and most of us probably would've hopped on the bandwagon without question.

Some of the things included in the update are the ability to visit more islands by sailing away with Kappa, customizing the color of your fences for your island, increased house storage as well as accessing your storage from OUTSIDE of your house, and having brunch with friends in Rooster's cafe just to name a few things! Those are definitely some of our favorites. But you might find more enjoyment in the new characters you an get to live on your island, or the ability to add ordinances and have your people be more active at certain times, or maybe you like being able to see faces like Cyrus on the daily when you visit Harv's island. Those are all good updates too!

Let's not even start on the DLC! You have a job now. What are the odds of you WANTING to go to work? Probably very rare. But what about if you get to design homes for people and get new furniture out of it? What if you could start changing the homes of people living on your island?? What if you could make rooms bigger and add in walls to make them more like studios?!? Yeah, I think it is pretty worth it too!

So many new people will definitely be trying out the game now but also, all those folks who got bored with it because they achieved everything early on will likely be making a come-back to zip through all this new stuff like they did at the initial launch.

Protagonist, Antagonist, or Sidekick?

Everyone has a story.

What role they play in their story is not going to be the same role they play in the story of others they come in contact with.

A protagonist is defined as a main character who usually advocates for a specific cause or idea and is generally good in nature.

An antagonist is defined as someone who opposes or stands against the protagonist of a story.

A sidekick is defined as a close companion or associate of another who has more authority than them.

When you are a protagonist in your own story; you probably do things such as help the less fortunate, take on leadership roles, or stand up against injustices to those you love.

When you're the antagonist in your own story; you probably do things such as self-sabotage your plans, put the minimal effort into tasks, spend your free time doing things that neither benefit others nor yourself.

When you feel like you are the side kick of your own story, you probably feel like the story isn't even your own. Which is how I often feel.

I often feel as though my efforts in life, are without prosper or as though they are only ever really for others rather than myself. The things I try to achieve for myself, they aren't fully of my own ambitions. I strive for things, that have been the normal throughout my upbringing because it is what is familiar and it is what I known. But is it what I actually desire? I feel guilty spending on myself, be it cash or time; but I will give my literal all into someone who has shown the most minimal of effort toward my existence. Even just a regular, reoccurring greeting that shows you have noticed I exist.

I do not feel as though I exist for my own being, for my own pleasure, for my own desire, for my own biding. I exist to get things done for others, as a secondary thought, as a helpful hand, as someone to blame.

I am part of the scene but as a background character, an individual in the ensemble.

I'm a sidekick at best.