Quitting

Quitting is a hard thing to do.

Quitting a job. Quitting friendships. Quitting smoking. Quitting drinking. Quitting drugs. Quitting toxicity.

There can be no scale to show which is the hardest, especially since for some, the variables weigh differently on their heart and mind.

Quitting is a necessity sometimes. A necessity to get where you need to be. A necessity to get where you want to be. A necessity to heal.

To start the process, you need to take that little step. But what about when that little step feels like you're about to plunge off the side of the cliff into the rocky waters below? It can seem infinitesimally difficult to do. Having support in the form of friends or family is key. 

It isn't always possible though if cutting off those friends is part of what you are cutting out.

In the end you make your own choices. 

You dig your own grave.

You build up your own pyramid.

If you need to quit your well paying 9-5 office job because the mental strain is deteriorating your health. 

If you need to move out of your family home and just be hopping from couch to couch for a bit because the controlling nature has deteriorated your soul.

If you need to stop talking to that person who has been there to support you through every low mood the past 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, 2 decades; because you have finally realized they are holding you back.

Do it.

Do not let anyone else tell you that you are making the wrong choice.

You will bounce back eventually and you will be magnitudes stronger because of it. You may even be thankful towards those people that caused you to pull away because you wouldn't have become the amazing, powerful, beauty that is staring you back in the eyes from that glossy window a lifetime down the line.

Who I Use to Be

Growing and changing is a part of life. 

You should not be staying the same as you were in high school or college, you should continue to grow and become a better version of you. But sometimes becoming that better version of you means taking a sidestep and backtracking because you accidentally took the route that crowded you with weeds rather than blooming petals.

I have had to face many difficult choices over the years, and as hard as that may seem for you to think that a 23 year old has faced choices harder than which outfits to put on, or which tiktok videos to post, or which fast food chain to eat at today; there are a number of us that have had to make adult decisions that affect more than just our own being since an even younger age.

Throughout this choice making process, I have become somebody I disliked, somebody I loved, and somebody I hated because I have gone from letting others blind me from the truth, have enlightened myself and become stronger, and let people drag me down and dictate how my life gets to play out. That time in between, when I loved myself? I felt the most like me. I felt the most at peace with my choices and who I could become. But then I let that person, that version of me, slip back through the cracks because I let others sink under my skin.

I want to become that other version of me again. I don't want her to disappear back into the shadows when something else goes awry though. 

I want to love the literal skin I walk in. 

I want to have confidence in my choices.

I want to be independent and self-sufficient in my endeavours.

I do not want to have a fear of what others will think.

I do not want to be concerned about how others will react to my actions.

I want to be wholeheartedly me and I want to have that stick around for more than just the time I am away at school.

That is going to mean continuing to make those hard choices and throwing my life further into disarray first, all in hopes that I will stay rooted and grow even after the harshest of winters.

Gub's Introduction!

 Hi! 

My name is Gub, my pronouns are she/her and I am 23 years old. 

My dream is to someday be a National Park ranger and maybe be a science teacher later on. 

Some of my interests include photography, reading, going on hikes, and looking for bugs! 

I am OBSESSED with my bug/oddities collection and just collecting weird things in general; I am clearly part goblin in spirit! 

I am excited to blog about nature, science, and personal stories/emotions in my life. 

I am currently in community college and hopefully will go to a university soon. 

Thank you for the invitation to this blog, I’m excited for the future!