Adrenaline Rush

 Adrenaline is a hormone that your body secretes in periods of high stress or excitement. Therefore, adrenaline can be both a good thing and a bad thing. The adrenaline can be good in the sense that you are having fun and living life to the fullest. It can also mean relief from any pain you are going through. But then it also means that you did something painful that you needed the adrenaline to course through your veins.

Some people like that feeling. Your head getting light and fuzzy, the hearing starting to fade from your eardrums, and your legs getting weak and buckling under you. That is why those people are considered adrenaline junkies. Sometimes I am also one of those people but then other times I am the person who would rather not almost pass out and scare the bejeebus out of my coworkers simply because I twisted my ankle and am too big-headed to sit down for a moment and wait for the hormones to pass.

Which are you? Are you an adrenaline junkie or are you somebody who plays it safe?

Nightmares, Dreams, and Reality

There are many people out there who believe that the visions you have contained within your subconscious hold meaning. Whether good or bad, they have some form of meaning and can reflect on your life. They like to put meaning to different events/occurrences. 

For instance, some might say that falling, when put into a negative situation, is just about that fear but others may say that it is about loss of control and failing. Put it into a positive situation though and it could be relief or weightlessness.

Monsters and wild animals, in a negative light, could be about a singular event that has spiraled out of control in your life and is eating away at you, chasing you around in circles until you give in. Look at it as a positive, you may be taking on a new task and taming the beast.

Floods and natural disasters could imply that you are overwhelmed and taking on too many tasks at a time. Spin it around, it could mean a cleansing, a new beginning if you will. 

The interpretations of dreams and nightmares are vast. Only you can really know what you are going through in life right now to be able to interpret them. And you know what? Sometimes they don't have to have a meaning at all. Maybe it's actually something like in the movie 'Inside Out', maybe your inner dialogue is just throwing something random on to entertain themselves throughout the night.

Somewhere out there is an article that discusses how when you go to sleep, you're actually just dying and what you relive every day is just your brain replaying its memory of how the day progressed. I guess if that were the case then every day is a chance to change right?

Maybe we should just take everything in stride and stop looking for all the hidden meanings and alluding to messages and instead just continue to live our lives how we think that we should.

Just maybe.

Overcomplication; It's Bound to Happen

Have you ever gone to do something and thought to yourself how it should only take you 30 minutes or so but then you end up still being on that task four hours later?

How about when you start a task and you think it is going to go one way but then part of the way in you realize that it actually isn't going to math out properly, and if you would've just done one simple step beforehand you could've saved yourself a whole bunch of time and energy?

Yeah, that is overcomplicating things.

I VERY often overcomplicate the tasks that I try to take on. For instance, I have a cube shelf organizer that I got back in college. I built it and placed all my Build-A-Bears in it when I moved into my new apartment but it wasn't big enough. So I bought another one (keep in mind the original is from almost six years ago at this point) and I was worried about it being a different color but I figured I could just deconstruct the original and mix in the new color to make it cohesive. Well, I did not worry about it being a different size, so when the package arrived I immediately started taking the original down and then as I was preparing to rebuild it, I finally realized that they were two completely different size pieces and would not be able to go together. In the end, I ended up just rebuilding the original the exact same way I had it and then built the second structure and placed it beside the first. I took up an extra hour, minimum, of my time with this little mishap though. And it all could have been saved by me just building the new structure from the beginning. Or even by placing just one piece from the new one beside the original while it was built. 

Assumptions can also cause complications I suppose.

Don't make assumptions.

Find Your Way

 Often, you find that there are obstacles along your journey through life. There are going to be plenty of hurdles that you will need to surmount. There will be nay-sayers who try and deter you from continuing. There will be craters that you will need to divert around. Regardless of what you face, you must make your own decisions and make the choices that you feel best suit you and your journey. You have a destination in your mind and heart and you will eventually get there if you just keep pushing forward.

Sometimes the paths we choose get muddled with common societal dilemmas. Issues like lack of funds, inadequate support, not enough training, etc. Whatever the problem may be, there is always going to be a solution. Now, that first solution may bring you another issue to resolve, but then you just try and find the solution to that next problem and you just take it one step at a time. 

There are equal parts of success and failure in the world. One failure does not make you a failure. It gives you an opportunity to learn and grow, it gives you a chance to try for success. The end of your journey does not come when you have had three failures in a row, nor does it arrive when you have had three successes, it arrives when you have reached the epitome of your life goal and see that there is so much you have achieved and yet so much more that you can continue to strive for. 

Do not allow yourself to settle. Do not allow yourself to stop. Let yourself stumble or drag your feet and then get back on track and keep chugging along.

You can do this.

We can do this.

This is not the end, it is only the harsh beginning of a longer journey.

Life as a Book

The world is a giant library

Your life is a series on a shelf

The challenges you face, the climax and cliffhanger

Your left flipping the pages

Turning, looking for the next big event.

The people you meet are characters for the plot

Some people get a page

Others get a chapter

Those that are special enough,

Have you starting a spinoff

Your life isn't defined

The books aren't prewritten

The pages not lined with text

You choose your story

You line the pages with your words and actions

The story you live is your choosing

The genre is up to you

The characters stay for your set duration

The challenges are your own

The resolutions are unique

Live your life freely and make your favorite story 

Eyes Like a Hawk

 It's pretty common knowledge that birds have far better eyesight than humans do. Hawks are known to have eyesight that is 8x better than ours. This is useful for them to see and catch prey, their primary food source. 

Sometimes it would be nice to have an enhanced vision like theirs. For instance when trying to find a needle in a haystack. Or when trying to find the perfect color bead out of a pile. When you are searching for the differences between two images. Or trying to find Waldo out from the other bystanders at the boardwalk.

It feels as though some people have eyesight like a hawk. They pick up on every minute detail. If a singular hair is out of place. They see when you aren't making your normal facial expressions or when you change your style of clothes. They see that paint stain on your jeans that tell then you were making something at home or maybe you just are not good at cleaning laundry. 

Having eyes like a hawk can be both good and bad. Having eyes like an owl though? Watch out for those people. They can spin right around and see what you're doing even when you don't think so. That can cause a lot of trouble if you ask me.

The Makings of a Crazy

Everyone is raised under different conditions. How you are raised can say a lot about you and can define you in some ways, but you can also choose to deviate and learn from how you are raised to be a better and bigger person.

One of the things that I was raised on and continue to accept and execute, is hunting. I was taught early on how to fend for myself and live off the land if needed. We would go camping all the time to learn the basics and then for things like using a weapon to hunt and get food from animals, we would watch and be taught about safety but we weren't allowed to try until we were older. We would learn and help with skinning and gutting the prey however and so I have become fairly confident in my skills to live off the land on my own if I needed to.

From some of these skills, I developed some interests that not everyone in modern society is a fan of. Activities like cleaning the bones of deceased animals I found on the side of the road, examining their skeletal structure, and then possibly going so far as to make new items from them, giving them new life as jewelry or wind chimes. Now there are certainly plenty of people who do the same activities and find themselves interested in the processes and see beauty in the practices, but it definitely is not for everyone.

Think back to the Salem witch trials. There were girls who would sing and dance and experiment with natural remedies, these people were ostracized and ultimately cut out of society through one means or another. Society still does this to an extent today. You participate in an activity that the people around you don't agree with and they will shun you, they may even go to the extreme and have your psyche evaluated to see if you are fit to remain with the common folks.

Now my activities are not so absurd that I personally think they make me crazy but some folks I have come in contact with, feel as though what I enjoy and how I talk of the activities in a cool and collected manner, make me a sociopath. And honestly, all I can say is to think what you want, but I know that I am fine.

Although, that is what a sociopath would say isn't it?

Parody Protection

The world is filled with content, very little of it is completely original work at this point. A number of the entertainment we have are considered parodies. A lot of music uses the same repetitive cords and range. Books follow similar trios through their quests. Games and movies replicate animation styles/depictions.

Parody (n) an imitation of a particular writer, artist, or genre with deliberate exaggeration for comedic resonance

Did you know that parodies are protected under federal law? That means that they can not be sued for stealing the ideas of an original piece. Well, mostly. The "law" in question which protects the creation of parodies is actually the constitutional First Amendment right. Under that jurisdiction, a parody is established as a form of expression and is therefore protected against prosecution. But that First Amendment right is only present in the US so then what happens when there is a parody lawsuit forming in a different country? Well, each country has its own guidelines, they are all relatively close in definition, however. Japan for instance, their law boils down to the point of if you're going to make a parody, there needs to be just barely enough direction toward the original work that you know it's there but not so much that it is a carbon copy of the original. It is definitely safer to reach out to whomever you are going to be making a parody of and get permission but that isn't always going to be possible and so you take your chances.

Palworld is a game that recently launched its beta version for the public to play on PC, Xbox, and PlayStation. There is still quite a bit of development that needs to go into the game before it is complete, the DEVs have said that much; but already players are drawing similarities to other games they have played such as Ark and Pokemon. Some of the players are even concerned that there may be an end in sight if the similarities are deemed to close and the game gets shut down or made to restructure. 

There could be some cause for concern but honestly, you just need to enjoy what you can while you can and hope for the best. That is all any of the entertainment industry can do anyway, wait and hope.

Have you tried the growing phenomenon yet?

Snow Day!

Remember that feeling of waking up and having the snow cover the ground and then sitting and watching the news or listening to the raiding and waiting for the name of your school to pop up saying it was canceled? Those days may be far and few in between for today's generation, partially because of a lack of snow but also partially because now you can do school at home and Zoom call into a classroom. Well, maybe that feeling isn't completely gone for adults. 

Depending on the job you work, maybe the city closes or the mall closes or a specific store closes, and you get to stay home. It's a good feeling when you don't have to worry about going in for your shift. It's an even better feeling when you still get paid for it, some people are lucky enough to have that. I know my mall job was like that, if the mall closed due to bad weather then it wasn't your fault and the company would still pay you your wages for the shift you would've worked. 

That feeling is a fond memory and can remain a little pep in your step even as a full-grown adult.

Now we can take the day and play in the snowball-worthy weather with our friends or kids. Make an igloo and hide from the world. Dance around in the falling snow wearing our favorite cosplays. And overall just have fun with our lives.

Have fun with your extended weekend friends!

Final Destination Who?

 I didn't need the Final Destination movies to have the life scared out of me, I had my dad for that.

Most people have been scared silly by the movies. Learning things to be scared of and avoid doing like getting on planes or avoiding driving behind trucks with logs on them. Having your hand stuck in a garbage disposal or being trapped in a stuck elevator. I never watched these movies, or at least not all of them to the full extent, and therefore I did not learn to be fearful of these things from the movies.

Instead, I had my dad. A jarhead, who learned and instilled that fear is just weakness and pain is weakness leaving the body. So therefore he liked to find, and for the most part still does, ways in which he can startle you and cause you to jump. 

Things like pretending to get electrocuted when plugging in appliances. Pretending he cut off his own finger when making dinner by covering his hand in fake gore. Fake flipping the switches to blenders or garbage disposals while you have your hand in them. Coming behind you and jolting you in the sides while you are messing with electronics. Randomly yelling and making crashing noises.

You get the picture.

My life has always been filled with these jump-scare tactics to keep us on our toes. No need for a movie at all.

And yes. I do still jump scare relatively easily but I fight back with a killer punch if I need to.

Fictitious Worlds are Better than the Real World

Learning to read is right up there with learning how to speak. It is something that everyone should be able to do. Now, at one point in time, it wasn't something that everyone was ALLOWED to learn but it has always been something that everyone should learn in my opinion. Being able to read is being able to communicate. Being able to read is being able to discover and be knowledgeable. Being able to read is being able to escape reality and explore within yourself. 

It's hard to recall what started me on reading or what my first book was. I'm sure my parents played a role though. My mother has always loved to read too. She has always encouraged us to read and has pushed us to explore new stories. Even those which may be controversial and banned in schools nowadays. If I'm being honest though, even without her encouragement, I don't think I wouldn't have loved reading. Yes, that is a lot of negatives in a single sentence. Let's just put it this way; do you remember the 100 Book Challenge reading assignments we would receive for homework? All the different colored levels are based on your reading comprehension. Or how about the Reading Olympics groups? The kids who would essentially be in a book club and read books in a certain time and then have to answer questions on the books and proceed to compete their knowledge against kids in other schools? I was one of those kids. I was the kid who reached 100 books within the first month of being back to school and I'm not just talking about the easy 20-page picture books, I'm talking about those two and three-hundred-page chapter books with the tiny print. 

Growing up, I definitely started out on books like The Magic Tree House and Goosebumps, The Castle in the Attic, Series of Unfortunate Events, etc. And I loved every second of them, I still do. In fact, I recently came across my copy of Castle in the Attic and have the urge to re-read it now. Being able to read about these fantasy worlds allows you to grow your imagination, grow your vocabulary, grow your general knowledge of the world, and your social skills. It can even broaden your horizons and allow you to remain open to the opinions of others. 

Exploring those fictitious worlds contained within the pages of books can often be better than experiencing the real world and the drama. Being able to acknowledge chivalrous deeds. Witnessing people living in harmony with the planet and nature rather than trying to run it over and take control. Seeing bonds form and romances blossom which you likely wouldn't be able to do yourself. Seeing how countries are run and how they collapse under pressure. Not to mention it takes significantly less time to see the events come to fruition than it does for you to see the outcomes of real-life events and changes. The real world can be boring and slow or it can be fast and disappointing, maybe you'll luck out and have an exciting adventure for a day or two. Books are going to be quicker, more fulfilling, and consistent.

Unless of course, you're reading one of those choose your own adventure books. I can't help you explain those ones. They just show you how mentally you adjust and seek out certain things depending on the events going on in your own personal journey.  

A Long Time Coming

 You probably read that title and thought I was talking about karma.

I'm not.

I was referring to the snow hitting the East Coast today. For a lot of places, it is the first snowfall that has accumulated more than a coating on the ground, in almost 2 years. If we could've skidded our way by for another 2 weeks, we would've hit the two-year mark. 

That's insane to think of how much our weather patterns have changed since I was younger. Trust me, that is not a super long time. I make myself sound so much older when I say the lines "when I was your age" to some kids but it's exactly how it sounds. When I was growing up you would do the snow dance and wear your pajamas inside out with your head at the foot of the bed and you would pray for snow to get at least a delay if not off because a delay usually meant a movie day at school. And it would work. Or at least to a kid's imagination it would work, because if the teachers told you to go home and do it, there was already a 90% chance of snow the next day and we would end up with at least 6 inches if not a foot. Don't have that happening anymore.

I remember going to my dad's work and driving our go-carts around and the snow was as tall as the go-cart. Keep in mind the go-cart had a roll cage on it and therefore was at least 4 feet tall. That means there was four feet of snow! That's crazy to think we went from 4 feet of snow that I was getting my go-cart stuck in, to maybe a coating at once for nearly two years.

We are ruining our planet and the childhoods of the new generations.

Martin Luther King Day

Holidays are something to be remembered. Reminders of things we shouldn't repeat. Kind of like birthdays, they are milestones in human history.

Everyone chooses to acknowledge these days in different ways. How do you choose to celebrate? 

Is it just another day off of work? Is it a day to catch up on your chores? Is it a day to go out and do good for your community? Is it a day to go see family? Maybe every holiday you do something different, maybe you don't even do the same thing for each holiday year to year.

Whatever you choose to do or acknowledge, do good with every day you are given. 

Back to the Grind

 Taking a break from something you love can sometimes be for the best. The reason you stopped or left could be up for conversation depending on if you are leaving for mental health, lack of funds, no longer loving what you are doing, you're moving or changing jobs. Whatever the case may be, if and when you finally return to that thing you left behind, you may find a new fondness for it. You may realize just how important it was to you and how helpful it was for your mentality. Or maybe you will find out the opposite. Whatever the case may be, you live and you learn.

I took a break from streaming because I didn't have the means to in terms of time as well as resources such as the internet. I spent a year doing other things while still occasionally playing games with friends online. It didn't mean that I stopped thinking about it, in fact, I thought about it constantly and wished I could've shared a lot of my gaming moments with my community. But I didn't and having that time away has allowed me to reflect on what streaming meant to me and where my channel was going and where I need it to go. Time has allowed me to slightly re-align my streaming agenda and what I hope to get out of my community. 

Now that I am back at it again, I can start sharing gaming moments with my friends again. I can start to be more social and active in my downtime. I can relax and decompress from work by thinking of something completely unrelated. I can build my own worlds and have control over how things appear and behave.

It's good to have that outlet again is all I'm saying.

I hope that everyone can have something like that in their lives and if they need to take a break to realize how good it really is then so be it.

Birthdays

 Birthdays. 

They mark you gaining another full year of experience. A full rotation around the sun while on our planet. 

The significance of your birthday never goes underappreciated no matter where you are or what you are doing. Whether you are turning 1, turning 13, 16, 18, 21, 25, 50, or 100 and every year in between. Your milestones are your own and you face them and beat them every day.

How you determine your age is slightly more finicky though. Most people start the day you come out of the womb as day 1. Others may consider that same time as day 365 and say you are a year old upon exiting the womb. Neither is really accurate though, is it? They would have to determine your exact conception date to determine how many days old you are. Especially since some babies are born prematurely and others are born late, and then some are formed inside a machine. Of course, there's also the matter of what year you are using as well. I mentioned earlier that it's a full rotation around the sun while on our planet. An Earth year is not the same as a year on any other planet. If you lived on Pluto, you wouldn't even be one yet. None of you would, don't try and fight me on it. Of course that then brings you onto the topic of if time is different there in other ways. Would you still age the same way or would aging be prolonged?

Basic Necessities

Coming from a first-world nation it can be hard to be happy with what you have. You are always looking for new things, new technologies; and being disappointed when you miss out on them. But what a lot of people take for granted are basic necessities like having a roof over your head or having water to bathe in and drink. Even in first-world countries, there are still people who struggle to come across these basic necessities. 

Never take anything for granted. You may be upset because you consider yourself poor and you can't go out with your friends to see new movies or go out to dinner but do you realize how lucky you actually are? Lucky enough to have all your bills paid off. Lucky enough to have a job. Lucky enough to have friends you can even talk with and associate with.

Everyone has some shining light that they can be holding and letting burn bright in their life, instead, we seek out the darkness.

Don't let the darkness consume you. 

Be grateful for your basic necessities. 

Fear Consumes

Acrophobia is the fear of heights. 

Basophobia is the fear of falling.

Claustrophobia is the fear of small or crowded places.

Trypanophobia is the fear of needles.

Autophobia is the fear of being alone or abandoned.

Thanatophobia is the fear of death or the process of dying.

 There are some fears that can consume you from the inside out. They incapacitate you and prevent you from moving forward with your tasks and your life. 

Different fears exist in the world that you may not have even thought were possible because you yourself are not concerned with them. Dogs, for instance, my sister used to be deadly afraid of dogs. That fear is referred to as cynophobia. There are a decent amount of people who would probably tell you they are afraid of a specific type of dog such as pit bulls, that is a societal thing though. Then there are those such as my sister who were and are sometimes so scared of just the existence of dogs and where they originated from or experiences they have had with dogs that they get clammy and scared for life at the site of any dog. Even chihuahuas.

When you come in direct contact with that which you fear, it is a very intense feeling. Your breathing gets faster. Your palms get clammy. Your throat gets dry. Your nervous system starts to internally shake followed by your body shivering as if met with an extreme cold. Adrenaline starts to build up in your hormonal system and your body kicks into fight or flight mode. Or you just tense up and freeze altogether.

People will tell you that you just need to push through it. Face your fears head-on and overcome them. But if you are frozen in place about to be attacked, there is no facing them head-on. You know your body and you know your hard limits. Now does this mean to never face your fears? Absolutely not. Some things you will just have to keep trying at.  You can always aim to be a better version of yourself. Face that fear of public speaking (glossophobia) and start with smaller groups until you can take on larger crowds. Try slowly decreasing the amount of light you leave on when going to bed until you don't even notice your fear of the dark (nyctophobia).

There are tons of things you can do to face your fears, adrenaline junkies face fears every day because they love the rush it gives them. Just do it at your own pace in your time and on your own terms.

Nature versus Nurture

 Nature. The green leaves you see on trees in the summertime. The breeze that goes through your hair in the fall. The snow that blankets the ground in the winter. The flowers that speckle fields with pops of color in the spring. All of this is true, but also; the need to say 'OW' when you stub your toe. The reflex to pull your hand away when you feel heat that may burn you. Babies starting to suckle on small nubs such as a pacifier. Nature is more than just the seasons and things we see occurring candidly around us, it's also the actions we perform candidly because they are innate in our existence.

Nurture. What you call different animals or colors. The languages you speak. How you interpret facial expressions. The different types of foods you enjoy making and eating. The holidays you celebrate. Nurture is the things you learn throughout your life and become accustomed to. Even in the most damaging of environments, you are still picking up traits and information that will shape the kind of person you turn into. If you are swaddled and provided for you may turn out one way, if you are left to learn on your own, you may turn out a different way, and those who have any combination of being taught and being left to teach yourself may end up a completely different way. 

The factor of nurture alone will create completely different people from completely different upbringings but then the factor of nature and any biological traits can add another factor into it. 

Long story short, you would not be the person you are today if you did not go through everything you have. You would not have the friends you do, or the job you do, you wouldn't be living in the environment you are; if you hadn't pushed yourself to keep existing.

Be yourself. Be proud of who you are. Never try to change or second guess something that you can't control. 

Loyalty

 Most people know the expression "blood is thicker than water" but what some of that population will tell you is that the extended quote is actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". This slight difference in phrasing/paraphrasing completely changes the definition of the word. 

The first implies that your blood relatives have a stronger bond with you than the rest of the population because those others are constantly changing, receding with the tides. The latter expression implies that those same blood bonds are not nearly as strong as those which you form with others of similar personality and forethought. Which can be very true. Sometimes your family is only there for you because they expect you to be able to do the same if not more for them later. Whereas friends you have made throughout your life may be willing and able to drop anything in a second to help you no matter what they may be doing and expect nothing in return.

I have done that for a number of my friends and have had a few of them do it for me as well.

The most astonishing thing to me though will always be whose mind you occupy space in. Loyalty spreads deeper than just words and actions, it is subconscious too. Somebody may say they will be there to help you out and may even show up to help out, but how many of those people are going to see something in a store and think of you? How many people are going to see a post online, laugh at it, and think that you would find it funny too? Those people have a more pure form of loyalty in my book. They subconsciously spend time thinking about you even when they don't have to.

Those are the types of people I would want to have in my group. The kind that will be there 1000% of the time even when you don't expect them to be.

List Making

Lists

- To-Do Lists

- Grocery Lists

- Bucket Lists

- Favorite Things

- Classmates

- Songs on a CD

- Things To Pack

- Things Easily Forgotten

Lists

- Helpful

- Reminders

- Stress Inducing

- Daunting Tasks to Complete

- Organization Tool

- Accomplishments

- Burdens

- Requirements

Lists can both be helpful and hurtful depending on the type of person you are. Sometimes it's best to limit yourself, only put a couple of items on a list at a time. If you're planning out your day, make a general list of the tasks you want to accomplish, don't list all the minor steps involved. 

Simply:

To Do

- Laundry

Not:

To Do

- Collect Laundry

- Separate Laundry

- Wash Laundry

- Fold Laundry

- Put Laundry Away

You already know all the tasks involved. Why clutter your list and your mind by fretting over more things to do when in reality it's all just one task.

Sure checking off more boxes makes you feel more accomplished but it can also stress you out seeing all those steps you have to and stop you from wanting to do them.

Perfectionist at the Core

Perfectionist, a noun, someone who refuses to accept any standard short of perfection.

The word perfectionist was first documented in the mid-1600s and since then it has just continued to grow in terms of usage. In fact, it has exponentially grown since 1910, although it has plateaued off a bit since 2019. 

I will openly admit that I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist. I even use it as a negative when talking about myself in interviews. 

Sometimes being a perfectionist can be a good thing. It can mean that you do things right the first time and do not have to go back to correct yourself. It can mean that you are dedicated and willing to put in the thought to get things done the right way. And for most, it can give you a sense of accomplishment once you have finished the task.

But other times, being a perfectionist can be your downfall. It can mean that if you make a mistake you decide you need to scratch the entire endeavor and start from the beginning again. It can mean that you spend a lot of time on a remedial task that could have been done in 5 minutes because it did not require pinpoint accuracy. 

Sometimes you need to just breathe and take it for what it is. I think that is why we saw a decline in the use of perfectionist in 2019. I think people started to get overly frustrated and tried bettering themselves by acknowledging that not everything needs to be exactly perfect and that sometimes it is okay to make a mistake here or there. That making mistakes is a learning experience and that the only way to continue to get better is to have failures to learn from.

...

But then you get people who have to take on OCD and ADHD and there is just absolutely no possibility of accepting things for what they are because they are constantly moving and constantly wanting to make things work or behave in a certain manner and then they have to deal with being a perfectionist on top of that... it's like being a walking paradox.

Gotta love humans and their mentality, right?

Snow is a Fresh Start

Snow is clean.

Snow is pure.

Snow is silence.

Snow is a fresh start.

Small white, crystalized water, falls to the ground.

Coating the grass, the benches, the trees, the light posts.

It continues to fall in layers and starts to weigh down that which it coats.

Under that weight, the Earth is sheltered and protected.

Above that weight, the World is filled with silence and light.

As the snow melts away, everything comes back to life as if renewed.

The birds begin to chirp, and flowers begin to bloom.

The snow has allowed our existence to have a redo.

Snow is clean.

Snow is pure.

Snow is silence.

Snow is a fresh start.

 

Smile and Wave

"Smile and Wave, Just Smile and Wave" 

A friend of mine has been living by this motto pretty hard this past week and every time they say it, all I picture is the penguins from the 2005 film 'Madagascar'. Now in the case of the movie, the Penguins are smiling and waving because they are trying to appear as regular Penguins who aren't in the midst of digging a tunnel out of a New York zoo using plastic spoons left by the humans. In the case of my friend, they are also trying to hide something from onlookers but instead of hiding a devious escape plan, they are hiding how scared they are of failure. They are hiding the overwhelming grief they feel from the idea that they aren't meeting the standards set forth for them. They are hiding that it eats away at their mental well-being every time they hear their name whispered among those who are meant to be their peers.

 

I can understand and relate to this on so many levels. because often times it feels as though I am hiding myself. Sometimes it feels like the easiest route is just to "smile and wave" as if the problem doesn't exist. As if ignoring it will make it go away or hurt less. But chances are that it won't. In fact, it may very well make it worse. You may find that smiling and waving, keeping to yourself unless absolutely necessary, will result in more problems because suddenly you are un-sociable and a recluse. You turn into somebody that others may think is fake or a liar. 

To some extent you are.

But underneath it all, you are still you. And you are still scared and hurting.

Smiling and waving will only do you so much good.

Wybie had his smile sewn into place by the other mother in 'Coraline' but that didn't stop him from feeling the sadness of being stuck in that other world.

Your smile won't stop you from feeling that dread and sadness either.

One Box At A Time

    

Sometimes your life and all the problems you may think it has can fit comfortably inside of a single box. Other times, it may take many boxes to hold everything you have experienced and collected over your life span. In either case, your packing and your unpacking, both need to be done at your own pace. You can not expect to be able to set up shop in a new environment right from the get-go, no matter how hard you may try to make it appear that way. Others may be blind to what is going on in your life, but you know and you'll really want them to secretly know. So just take it one box at a time. It may take days, it may take weeks, it may even take months. But box by box you will slowly start to piece everything back together again. And box by box you will slowly start to build something better, something stronger. Something that you can be proud of and be happy to call yours. It is also okay when you're going through all those boxes, to find that there are some things you want to hold on to and some things that are better just being let go. Please learn to let go. Not everything needs to be hoarded and brought with you everywhere you go. You will have other memories, better memories than those objects that are taking up space in your boxes.

Test Anxiety

The world is full of tests. Academic tests. Social tests. Personal tests. I don't know about you but I HATE test taking. It gives me so much anxiety. I go into the week and I know what I am supposed to be doing, I know how I am meant to behave; and yet, the day of the test arrives or I see people judging me (which can not be avoided) and I start to stress. Nine times out of ten I do just fine but the stress and the anxiety can really start to eat at you.

There are different levels of stress depending on the type of test being conducted too. The pressure you feel when taking a multiple choice test or an open-ended test is nothing compared to the amount of pressure you feel when taking a practical and you have somebody watching your every move over your shoulder. For me personally, what gets to me even more is when the testing scenario is customized to me.

I remember when I was taking my practical test for my first aid certification for the first time. Everyone who went before me had all these loud and crazy hectic situations where the instructors were yelling and screaming for help as the test taker were performing their duties. But when I went in, absolute silence, no background noise from fake shots or people screaming for help because their leg was pinned down; just crossed arms and silent stares as they observed. 

It's a completely different kind of stress when you go into a situation expecting one thing and then being met with another.

All you can do is your best. 

Each and every day, no matter what tests may come to face you, you take it one step at a time and do your best. 

Just breathe and move on even if you find the outcome isn't what you were expecting or hoping for.

What You Can & What You Must

You Can ... do as others tell you or not

You Can ... cut your hair and dye it blue

You Can ... spend all your money at Starbucks or Target

You Can ... paint your room a funky color or keep it tan

You Can ... choose who you hang out with and love

You Can ... eat a slice of cake for breakfast lunch and dinner (or maybe you should eat a carrot cake to be safe)

You CAN'T just let everyone dictate your life

You Must ... pay all your bills

You Must ... make time for yourself

You Must ... keep yourself healthy

You Must ... find time to socialize and be kind

You Must ... celebrate every win no matter how small

You Must ... learn to be independent and strong-willed

You SHOULD take everything one day at a time and live life to the fullest

Always be yourself. Your true self. The one that makes you happiest.

A Year of Changes

    Whether you like to admit it or not, changes are hard. Changing clothing brands. Changing shampoos. Changing schools/jobs. Changing houses. Changing towns/states/countries. Changing things whether big or small, imposes some negative factors into your life even if you don't care to admit it. 

    You subconsciously face these factors before the change as well as after. You stop caring for your entire body in the same practice. Maybe you stop eating as healthy, maybe you stop showering or brushing your teeth every day. You definitely don't sleep as well anymore. Your nervous system is fighting off a storm of 'what if' probabilities. 

    What if the new clothes are itchy? 

    What if somebody else is wearing the same style? 

    What if they make fun of your outfit? 

    What if the shampoo smells funny? 

    What if it doesn't clean your hair as well? 

    What if nobody wants to talk to you and you have to eat lunch alone? 

    What if you don't share hobbies with anybody? 

    What if your furniture doesn't fit in the new place? 

    What if it's too dark/bright?

    What if the neighbors are too noisy? What if they think YOU'RE too noisy?

    What if they make fun of your accent?

    There are so many 'what if' probabilities. What if we all just stopped caring? We won't but what if we could? What then? Would society be able to go about its day without fear of judgment or would that nagging factor still be engrained into your subconscious? What started this fear? What made us as humans fear the unknown and adore the familiar? 

    Survival. 

    Your only task is survival. Always has been. And while the familiar may feel safe and secure, the only way you can really continue to survive is by adapting to the changes in your environment. If you really want to thrive then you need to accept these changes early on and start seeking better opportunities for change and growth yourself.